How does a fictional character feel about writers?

Guest: “I’m playing the part of a woman who’s dressed like a man to infiltrate a gang in this book. I really have no idea why they didn’t hire a man to do the job.”

Host: “Okay…  So, Lorie, tell us a few things about yourself.”

Guest: “I’m Lorie and I’m doing fine.”

Host: “Yes, we know that. Tell us why you chose this career.”

Guest: “I didn’t.”

Host: “Right. Do you like your profession? ”

Guest: “No.”

Host: “I can see you’re pretty excited about your job.”

Guest: “You should get your eyes checked.”

Host: “Great. Tell us what it’s like to be a fiction character.”

Guest: “It’s simple enough, I suppose. You just do what you’re told.”

Host: “And?”

Guest: “That’s pretty much it.”

Host: “Yes, but you get to solve mysteries, there’s action, it’s interesting.”

Guest: “Yes, at the beginning it’s okay, but then it gets tedious. I mean why do I always have to be the one that saves the world?”

Host: “Because you’re a heroine.”

Guest: “Whatever.”

Host:  “Describe a few scenes you liked from your stories.”

Guest: “There was this scene. I was drinking my coffee, a hot latte macchiato. It was wonderful. Of course, then my phone rang and they told me they had found a body in the river.”

“Here’s another good one. I was having a hot shower. It’s wonderful to feel the hot water fall on you, your whole body relaxing, your thoughts drifting away. Then a burglar broke into my house and I ended up at the hospital.”

Host: “Okey… let’s change the subject”

Guest: “And another time, I was in a drama. You know, the kind where the mother is a drug-addict, the father is cheating on her with her sister and the best-man is waiting for the right moment to hit on her, while the bank is foreclosing on her house and her daughter is having an affair with her teacher who’s 30 years her senior. Who’s reading this stuff? Anyway, I was playing the mother and a friend invited us to dinner. The food was very good. But then I had a breakdown and I threatened everybody with a knife. I think I even killed somebody. It must have been the sister. I never liked her anyway. The food was really nice though.”

Host: “Yes, very interesting.”

Guest: “Not really. Once, an airplane crashed into my house while I was having breakfast. I mean, what’s wrong with you people? Give me a break.”

Host: “Let’s go to a commercial break. Νο? Fine. Listen, fiction stories reflect reality, maybe a little exaggerated in order to denounce the evils of our society or draw attention to what’s good about it.”

Guest: “Bite me.”

Host: “I think you’re wrong.”

Guest: “I think you’re wrong in the head.”

Host: “Is she for real?” He whispered to himself. “If you could say anything to the writer, what would that be?”

Guest: “Leave me alone!”

Host: “That’s all for today.” He wiped the sweat on his forehead. ” If the show’s not cancelled, we’ll see you all-“

Guest: “I said leave me alone. Do you hear me you b-”

Commercials: Your neighborhood dentist suggests to use the toothpaste White Me. For teeth brighter than the sun.

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